So I keep having this same topic present itself and it has me thinking. How often does the circle of parenting really come around? How similar is it really and how early does it even begin??
I was recently talking to someone and then I was watching a movie, then I even started talking to “family” and with each instance, I came to the same topic. The circle of parenting and how it can easily go round and round if not broken by a strong mind.
The circle that I am referring to is the fact that a child is easily influenced by those around them. Most of the time, that is their parents. Now whether it is step, biological, or adopted it doesn’t matter. It’s their “family” or parental figures that imprint the most and at the earliest stages.
Now it wasn’t until I got older that I realized just how early these imprints take place. I mean if you think about it, our parents are usually the ones to teach us to walk and talk and so on, but they teach a lot more that many don’t realize.
For instance, if the parent is a liar, a narcissist, a jealous being, or such, their actions tend to rub off onto the child because that is what the child knows. That is what they witness and because children often tend to see their parent as their hero, they don’t see the wrong in their parent’s actions. For many it becomes the only thing they know. They grew up with it so they just always believe it’s correct. After all their family is their everything and in a lot of homes children are taught that their parents are these great perfect beings who know all and know better and therefor are always right.
This isn’t the case. Parents are humans also. They have pasts, and they have trauma, and they even have failures and mistakes that take place more than any of us would like to admit. They aren’t these perfect, godlike creatures blessed with children. Rather they are just the same as everyone else.
Now we all know(or should if you read any of my family history work) that I had a rough upbringing. I didn’t have great people around and for a long time, I also didn’t think much of it. As a child, I don’t remember thinking the same things of my “parents” as I do now. However, once I grew up and I was exposed to the outer world, I learned that there are better people and better ways of life than the ways that I was brought up into. Now I say older but to be honest, I’d say older was my teen years. That is when I really started to see the wrong and right that was being illustrated in front of me.
Unfortunately, not everyone saw that. I know there are people still who love my “family” and even the other “family” and often make excuses and defend them for their actions, and unfortunately these same people are examples of continuing the circle. What people don’t realize is if you’re not strong enough to admit that the ones you love are making mistakes also and are negative influences in your life or anyone else’s, than you are more than likely similar to them. You continue the negative parenting circle. Whether it is teaching your child to lie and manipulate people, or maybe you just teach them to be jealous and controlling. Continuing the circle is to fail at teaching them to properly care for a child and maybe they end up loosing their own in the process. ( This also seems to be something that can be a result of a child growing up in the system) The circle can be so vicious. It keeps the negative of the world constant as the circle just continues on and on with each generation.
However, I know there are so many people out there who learn from their parents mistakes and faults. I know there are people who refuse to continue the circle and refuse to be similar to their parents. These are the souls of this world who press to make it a better world. Maybe not just for their own reasoning, but also for their child, children’s ,family’s, etc. They are the strong minded individuals that will take their own mistakes and point them out and say, this is what I did wrong and this is how you can learn from it. I’m not perfect in any sense, and I have not birthed children yet but I do have two very beautiful bonus children to be and I hope I can be a good parent to them. I hope that i can help provide a circle that they don’t have to break in the future because it will be a positive circle. I mean this is what all parents should strive for, but it seems often times people are so blinded by their own negatives, that they don’t even see them. They remain ignorant and unfortunately forget to correct their ways.
Now this doesn’t always pertain to negativity. Some homes are beautiful and well rounded and there are parents who teach amazing things to create the beauty in this world and the future to come. I however have seen the negative peak in the conversations and movies I watched here lately. So I just felt like writing about it….
What is your take on this? Does this make sense? I may have to come back and rewrite part of it or maybe add to it, but we shall see. Just let me know your thoughts. Let’s talk.
