Good in every break.

   Often times when one thing ends we loose sight of the path that we took to get to that end. Often times when something ends, we focus on the bad that happened rather than the good and we forget that for every bad thing comes a good thing. Everything happens for a reason. Now I know that everyone shakes it off as something they don't truly believe because it is easier to just dwell in your pain and sit amongst the broken pieces rather than pick those pieces up and put them back together to build a stronger you. I've sat amongst a lot of broken pieces, sometimes I've been so broken that those pieces were not pieces but rather grains of salt amongst the sand with thrashing waves beating against them. Today is not one of those days. Today is a day that I want to take a moment to say thank you to those people that I held relationships with , that ended in a terrible way yet I learned some amazing lessons from. Today is a day that I am so grateful for each hurt, because with each hurt I grew a little stronger and I learned to be the amazing woman I am and for this I will always be grateful for.

Dear biological family,
   I want to say thank you for helping me to become who I am today. I think deep down you are the one who has taught me the most. Sometimes I know it is not always apparent and sometimes I still struggle with the pain I hold, but reality is that I have become one of the strongest many have known simply because I have survived what many don't understand. You have taught me that sometimes even blood is not thick enough. Sometimes we are just meant to go down separate paths in lives with different people and that never means that we are not good enough or worthy enough to live, but rather that it is okay to live in another storyline with different characters. When I felt no one truly loved me or cared for me, I learned that no one could ever love me more than I could love myself and that this is the first step into becoming the amazing soul that I am meant to be.

Dear abuser,
  I want to say thank you for teaching me that no man or woman is ever going to lay another finger on my beautiful body again. I learned that no one would ever be excused from such an act because I know that I will always deserve better then the marks you left on my skin. I learned that it is okay to stand up for yourself and I learned that it is okay to walk away, even if you feel you have no where else to go. You taught me that no matter how much you feel you love someone, or that you can fix a person's life, sometimes they just aren't willing to fix it themselves. That no matter how much you forgive them,  they can never forgive themselves enough to let go of the anguish they hold dear to them inside. I learned that I don't have to suffer so that you can cause the same pain to those around you. I am much stronger than that.

Dear ex husband,
   I want to say thank you for all the good that you taught me. I know at first I didn't see it. I just saw the hurt and the excuses and the brokenness inside me, but now my eyes have cleared and my heart has healed and I have so much to be grateful for. You taught me that it is okay to fall on your face in life  and when I say fall, I mean splatter hard all over the pavement below. You taught me that it is not only okay to fall but it is also okay to pick yourself up off that hard ground and dust off yourself and wipe the tears and begin crawling, and that crawling will lead to standing and that standing will one day lead to walking again. You taught me that sometimes life doesn't always go as planned, but that's okay as well because sometimes God has bigger plans for us then the life we imagined. You taught me how to be quick and learn how to react to when the world shifts beneath your feet and everything crumbles around me, I can one day stand because there is nothing in this world that can keep me down.

Dear drug addict who stole my heart,
   There were two of you. Seemed I attracted them. One on a powder and the other a pill. Either way you taught me the same and because of you both I know to never touch the things you survive off of.
I made promises to never touch the drugs you slave yourselves to because you taught me that I can be stronger than that. When all your hurt is built up and the easiest way to escape is to sniff or swallow, I  know I can feel and I can let go and then I can stand with my head held high rather then allowing it to sink to its lowest levels. I learned that sometimes love is not enough. Sometimes it is death defying and sometimes it is enough to cause the weak to run from it rather than to just feel, because if you lock it into your head that no one can love you, they really cant and so those words must be a lie. Loving you taught me that this was never true, because no matter how much we feel we are never good enough, someone else sees the opposite and will choose to see the bad within the good even when you cant see it yourself. We are all in charge of the paths we choose in life and suffer the consequences for the actions we take. You taught me it is better to spend a life with pain than it is to spend a life never knowing what love really is.

Dear most recent ex girlfriend,
   Thank you for all of the amazing moments and parts of my recent life that you introduced me too. You showed me so much in this world I would have never been exposed to. Helped me to open my eyes to more than I ever dreamt I would see. Not only in the good areas of life but also the bad. Thank you for being there in my darkest moments as this last year has been the hardest of my life. You were there to hold me up when I just wanted to fall and never get up ever again. When I felt like it was time to end a life, you taught me that there is a much bigger reason to hold onto it rather than letting that life fade away. You taught me that no one should ever be good enough nor hold the power to lessen my worth in my own eyes. I learned that this world is full of so much darkness, but if we build ourselves up to what we are meant to be, we can conquer all and provide the greatest light to the world. Thank you for reminding me that many, many people will gain ones trust, but to also be mindful that there will also be many people who will destroy that bond, disappoint you, and let you down. However, you have taught me that this should never ever stop you from opening up again, as every scar is just a reminder that you only grow stronger.

Dear me,
   I feel like I should write this to remind myself that all the bad I have caused myself has left many things to be grateful for as well. As I fight each day with the depression and anxiety that I hold, I know that it is a fight I will keep fighting til I can rid myself of it. I have to thank myself because with each bad day, I ensure to focus on the great days ahead. I know that I must learn to love myself in all of its good and bad times, good and bad qualities, and know that I am never responsible for anyone other than myself. I am learning that with every bad moment is a few good moments to match it. So I have to keep my head held high and take each step, each breath as they are presented to me. I have to continue to grow and continue to work towards being the best version of myself.

   You see, not every heart shattering relationship means it is the end of the world It really just means it is the end of that chapter and there are many more to be written. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes we may not understand that reason right away, but I know one day it will come to light and you will take a look back and you will see all the saddening things were only meant to prepare you for all of the happiness to come. Just don't forget the rear view mirror is always smaller than your windshield for a reason...